oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Sex in the backyard? Check.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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