Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Never joke about your clitoris.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
