Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
