Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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