I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
