Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
