covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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