I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
