can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
