We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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