oh fat girl friday strikes again...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
