sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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