At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
