I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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