1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
