By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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