Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
