He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
