I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
