OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
