I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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