best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
