Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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