so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
