When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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