i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
