I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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