Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize