hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
