I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
