I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
