Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It's rum buckets o'clock
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
