Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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