Where is the hickey?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
