You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
