Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
