Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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