omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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