I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
