Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
