I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
