Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize