My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize