Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
