Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
