Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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