Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
