i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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