He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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