i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
