you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
