When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
