don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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