he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
