i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize