Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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