He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
