FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
