Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
