mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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