I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
