your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize