I've blown a few things in my day
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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