The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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