Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
