I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
