When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
time to smoke my breakfast
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
