So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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