I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
