He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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