You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
