No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
