To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
