i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
