my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize