the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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